Part 3 – The decision

Our son was interviewed for the 2nd time 3 days before Christmas. This time the wait before he saw the Judge was different. He wasn’t angry with me like last time. He came ran over to me hugged me, played a game on my phone with me and was ignoring his Dad a little bit. He was finally called back and was back in less than 10 minutes.

Three weeks later I received a phone call from my lawyers office saying the Judge made her decision and was putting it on the record the next day. Since this was last minute I was unable to take off from work so my lawyer went on my behalf. My lawyer said the hearing was at 3:45pm and he would call me as soon as he left.

The night before I was restless. I felt like I was going to be sick. I was preparing myself for the worst, my son remain where he was. My husband and I were convinced the order was going to remain the same. We knew now at least mt ex knows the court is watching what he was doing and that I would have a better order to protect my rights and my sons rights to a relationship with me.

It’s now 4:30pm, the day of the verdict. My cell phone rings at work. I recognize the number as my lawyers office. I feel sick to my stomach. I answer. It’s my lawyers secretary she explains my lawyer was late for a appointment but he wanted her to at least call me to update me on what happened. My heart is pounding. I walk outside so I don’t make a scene in my office. Then she says; Congratulations; we won.

I never understood how some people you see on TV react in such an extreme way to situations. I always criticized about how they would yell and carry on. I now understood. All the emotion of the past year and a half left my body at that moment. I screamed. I cried. I was elated. One of my employees saw me and came running to me to console me thinking something horrible happened. I could’t believe it. The secretary advised me not to reach out to my son that night, his Dad did not take the verdict well.

The next day I finally talked to my lawyer about what happened the day before in court. My ex was supposed to call into the court at 3:45pm but didn’t. The Judge had to call him. She then went back to the beginning and presented the evidence she found to impact her decision. She found it disturbing how my ex felt I should not be an important part of our sons life. How he continues to disregard the custody order. And how she feels he does not make his decisions based on what is in the best interest of our son. She then said with all the obstacles I faced during the past year and a half that she was impressed that I always found a way to see my sons grades, work with his teachers to help him improve his grades, and how I never gave up trying to see him or talk to him no matter how hard my ex made it. She then made her ruling. She grated my motion of changing primary custody and relocation to PA. His Dad would have visitations every other weekend, during the summer it would be a week on week off and for holiday’s we need to follow the court’s schedule unless the change is agreed upon in writing. The Judge asked my ex if he understood her ruling, he replied, “Yes but it’s bullshit.” And hung up on the Judge.

I tried reaching my son later in the week. he wouldn’t answer his phone. I texted his Dad and asked him to have our son call me, he said no. I let it go for the weekend to let them cool off. I started to receive nasty text messages from my sons phone. Things my ex would say to me almost verbatim. He still wouldn’t answer his phone and my ex still refused to let me talk to him.

I then tried to get the information I needed to begin transferring my son out to PA. My ex ignored my requests. After 4 days my lawyer sent him a letter saying he either needs to cooperate or we would file for contempt. He finally sent the information I needed.

This past weekend I was suppose to see my son  for the first time since the verdict (we are continuing the old schedule until the transfer, mid Feb). Winter storm Jonas hit and dumped 30 inches of snow here. Before the storm happened I told my ex it would be safer if our son stayed there for the weekend, I didn’t want any of us driving in this.

At this point I still have not talked to my son in 2 weeks. He ended up staying the weekend over a friends house. He called my step son while they played a Xbox One game online together. He was talking to me like he always had. He told me he loves me and missed me. The opposite of how he was acting before. I didn’t press for him to discuss what was going on or the big changes coming. Just being able to tell him I love him and  hearing him say I love you too was all we needed right now.

After talking with him I knew I needed to do more for him. I needed to educate myself about how to handle his transition to PA. I started with Google. I kept getting information pop up about Parental Alienation. I have heard of it before but didn’t know a lot about it. I started to read all the information I could about it. It was like someone was telling my story. I could relate to it all.

I found two books to purchase, “How to co-parent with a toxic ex” and “Alienated”. I wanted to reinforce the high conflict parenting class I took last year and feel the info in “How to co-parent with a toxic ex” will help me expand on what I already learned. I need to learn how to cope with the ways he tries to destroys my relationship with my son. I need to find ways to repair it. “Alienated” is a book written by someone who suffered from Parental Alienation. I found this book to be important for me to understand how my son may be feeling. I want to know ways I can relate to him and be emphatic to the situation. I want him to heal not hurt any longer. I want him to have a healthy relationship with me and his Dad.

So why did I start this blog. 2 reasons; 1 –  I needed an outlet to vent about my situation. Writing has always been therapeutic. 2 – after doing some research about Parental Alienation I saw most information was about how the Mother alienates the Father from their children. I want others to see that is not always the case. It can happen to either parent.

Well only a few short weeks until my son is in PA with us full time. We are preparing our home and our minds to help him in every way we can. I will continue to update our progress as we start this new chapter.

 

One thought on “Part 3 – The decision

  1. Thank you for sharing your story! You’re right, in many cases we hear about Mothers alienating Fathers (like myself). However, since starting my page and blog and getting onto social media, many of those who contacted me are Mothers who are being alienated. Regardless of the gender, it happens and can happen to any parent. I am glad you are getting to a happy ending. As long as you can be there for your son, he will succeed. Despite the toxic ex, he still needs both parents who will love him and support him. It might be worthwhile to consider counseling for your son to prepare him for the backlash his Father may hit him with when he moves with you full-time.

    I look forward to seeing your new journey!

    Like

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